So I have been on a self imposed exile/sanity break since just before my birthday. Too many things have been going on including the end of the school year, my son Gialdron having health problems and my brother Ferfian being hospitalized as a result of many years of hard living (Ferfian is loosely translated as Wild Man and that is exactly what he represents, a force of hedonism and freedom as nature rather than deity.) With this plus my own feelings of melancholy I am in a mood where I do not want to do much of anything but mindless activity. My melancholy comes about several times a year but recently this bout has lasted longer than normal and I feel that it is not leaving any time soon. I have been cynical and lonely of late and the two help feed the black dog and make it settle in and get comfortable.
First things first, on the Kalehallan Calendar June is the month that The Wee Dancer goes to spend time with her mother Eris the Anarchist for a few months so I have named the month Gadeal (Welsh for leaves.) I am not sure how I feel about my wee one being gone, on one hand it will be a break but I already miss her terribly and I am feeling more alone because she is not there. I truly think it is important that her and her mother enjoy themselves to the fullest and the experience for both of them should be wonderful. It does however present a problem for me. As you have seen over time the meeting of the Lords has been less frequent and people evolve. I live with Kalenar so I see him all of the time and Lord Darksteel has been over regularly. The last time I saw Bomba, Vladymir and Les Morgan was over the camping weekend which was fun but we are going on 2 weeks since then. With less of a social agenda going on I find myself in my own thoughts and feel lonely which is compounded by the melancholy. In the past I would force interaction by creating events and such but now I do not want to be the social agent and in charge of what we do, I want others to take that and let me be in the backseat for a bit. However because people live their own lives it is easier for them to just be insular in their own pods and as a result we are not doing anything until I start planning again. Plus I believe that the melancholy is not just affecting me, I think more members of the Lords are suffering as well. So I will keep posting intermittently until such time as I am ready to actively take back my role as head of the Pantheon. I am considering using this summer as a quest for wisdom much like my patron Odin has done. It could be that me remaining alone in my life is the sacrifice I must make to see insight into the world I want (it is similar to Odin sacrificing his eye to gain a drink from Mimr's Well.) I can only see what is good for all if I am not blinded on what is good for two which is what a man in a relationship must do. We shall see. By Hovud and Gungnir until next time, drink and live well and fight the battles with honor.
